evelyn-d-art:

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"What Yiddish produced in Europe–Yiddish literature, theater, music, satire, from the smallest joke to the fattest philosophical treatise–is a stunning example of what a minority culture can do, even while under the boot. Europeans should be proud to know that it flourished on their soil, and they should punch themselves in the face every day to remind themselves that they destroyed it."

ari-no-exorcist:

shiraglassman:

jumpingjacktrash:

queerkeitcoven:

kuttithevangu:

jottingprosaist:

lilrabbitssong:

jewishhenna:

kuttithevangu:

i was going ask “if people say the lord’s prayer to get rid of christian vampires, would you say kaddish if it’s a jewish vampire?” just as an offhand question 

but then i was thinking like, that’s kind of cute actually… saying a mourning prayer for an undead creature… what if instead of being hurt and warded off by it they’re emotionally touched and change their mind about hassling you

I mean, the origin of the Mourners’ Kaddish, according to one medieval midrash, was to get rid of a ghost/undead spirit (see here and here):

A tale of R. Akiva. He was walking in a cemetery by the side of the road and encountered there a naked man, black as coal, carrying a large burden of wood on his head. He seemed to be alive, and was running under the load like a horse. R. Akiva ordered him to stop.“How comes it that a man does such hard work?” he asked. “If you are a servant and your master is doing this to you, then I will redeem you from him. If you are poor and people are avoiding you, then I will give you money.”“Please sir,” the man replied. “Do not detain me, because my superiors will be angry.”“Who are you,” Rabbi Akiva asked, “and what have you done?”
The man said, “The man whom you are addressing is a dead man. Every day they send me out to chop wood.”“My son, what was your work in the world from which you came?” “I was a tax collector, and would favour the rich and kill the poor.” “Have your superiors told you nothing about how you might relieve your condition?” “Please sir, do not detain me, for you will irritate my tormentors. For such a man [as I], there can be no relief. Though I did hear them say something—but no, it is impossible. They said that if this poor man had a son, and his son were to stand before the congregation and recite the prayer Barekhu and the congregation were to answer amen, and the son were also to say Yehe shme mevarakh, they would release him from his punishment. But this man never had a son. He left his wife pregnant and he did not know whether the child was a boy. And if she gave birth to a boy, who would teach the boy Torah? For this man does not have a friend in the world.” Immediately Rabbi Akiva took upon himself the task of discovering whether this man had fathered a son, so that he might teach the son Torah and install him at the head of the congregation to lead the prayers. “What is your name?” he asked. “Akiva,” the man answered. “And the name of your wife?” “Shoshnia.” “And the name of your town?” “Lodkiya.”
Rabbi Akiva was deeply troubled by all this and went to make his inquiries. When he came to that town, he asked about the man he had met, and the townspeople replied, “May his bones be ground to dust!” He asked about the man’s wife, and he was told, “May her memory be erased from the world!” He asked about the man’s son, and he was told, “He is a heathen—we did not even bother to circumcise him.” Rabbi Akiva promptly circumcised him and sat him down before a book. But the boy refused to receive Torah. Rabbi Akiva fasted for forty days. A heavenly voice was heard to say, “For this you mortify yourself?” “But Lord of the Universe,” Rabbi Akiva replied, “It is for You that I am preparing him.”
Suddenly the Holy Blessed One opened the boy’s heart. Rabbi Akiva taught him Torah, the Shema, and Birkat haMazon. He presented the boy to the congregation and the boy recited Barekhu and they answered Barukh hamevorakh le’olam va’ed. At that very moment the man was released from his punishment. The man immediately came to Rabbi Akiva in a dream and said, “May it be the will of the Lord that your soul find delight in the Garden of Eden, for you have saved me from the sentence of Gehenna.” … For this reason, it became customary that Ma‘ariv on the night after Shabbat is led by a man who does not have a father or a mother, so that he can say Kaddish and Barekhu.

So you’re actually right on track.

I’m just thinking now about the whole issue of poor Jewish vampires who desperately want to keep kosher and obviously can’t because well, vampire… So they try make up for it by only drinking the blood drained during kosher slaughter, and drinking fish blood (because it would be pareve technically) to get by, and they never feed off humans so people are like “oh no a vampire!” And he’s just “don’t worry it’s ok you aren’t kosher”. On that note… The cross burns vampires in some traditions, would a Star of David do the same? I actually am imagining it wouldn’t, and because Shabbat is after sunset some vampires still attending services even after death, because hey no sun- they can safely do so if they find a synagogue that does services Friday night. Jewish vampires just getting along with people because they don’t feed off them. I don’t know why I am head canoning Jewish vampires and the problems they would face now. I think it is clearly time to put my muse to bed and go clean or something. My muse is being very weird tonight.

Don’t you need a minyan to say kaddish, though? Like you gotta have the whole squad with you to get this vampire off your back, one way or another.

Well, in a pinch you can always say the shema, I suppose

LISTEN, ISRAEL, you say

The vampire claps its hands over its eyes instinctively and whispers baruch Shem k'vod

this conversation is too good not to be on our blog

ok i have a jewish vampire oc and i need to read up on this because it’s wonderful

I am so touched by this post <3

So I found out recently that the Jewish version of a vampire is the Estrie, who are almost exclusively female and can only be defeated by burying them and packing their mouths with dirt (or burning/decapitation). They are completely unaffected by religious iconography and prayer and were often believed to walk into synagogues in order to pray on Jewish men (their favorite treat).

Also, they can be healed by eating the bread and salt of the person who injured them. Or blood, but that’s boring.

carlaeleni: